I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
