He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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