I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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