I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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