i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
