he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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