Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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