I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
