wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
