I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
