you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
