Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
