Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
