I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
