What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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