we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
