but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
