Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
