You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
