If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
