I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
