So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just had sex on a roof
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
