Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
