ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
