Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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