he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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