Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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