Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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