its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
