loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
