i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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