you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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