Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
