She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
