I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
