Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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