Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i think i just naturally attract stoners
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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