Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
