before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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