I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
