I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
