Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
