I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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