Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize