The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize