How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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