right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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