i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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