How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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