So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well you can't waste a boner
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize