Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
