bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
