It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
