kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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