i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
