Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
