Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
