Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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