So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
