glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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