take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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