Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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