he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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