giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
