so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize