You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
