Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
