I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
