The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want to make out with him forever
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
