sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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