I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
