no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
