the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
